miercuri, 7 octombrie 2009

2 vesti

Radiologul zice: am 2 vesti, una buna si una rea. Pe care va zic inainte?
-Pe cea rea.
-Pai aveti o tumoara imensa pe plamani.
-Si care e cea buna?
-Se poate rezolva in Photoshop!
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Zambetul

Era o fetita care de la o vreme avea un permanent rinjet tembel pe figura.
Parintii se duc cu ea la doctor:
- Domnul doctor, nu stim ce are de rinjeste asa…
Doctorul se uita si zice:
- Ati incercat sa ii slabiti coditele ?
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Impotence

“Doctor, please tell me, impotence is coming unexpectedly?”
“Not at all, in the beginning it put you in embarrassed situations for 2-3 times”
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Excelent umor francez

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Overcoming his initial shock, he said to himself, “Ah, young love … ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers … C’est magnifique!” He continued to watch, remembering good times.

Suddenly he gasped. “Mais … Sacre bleu! Ze woman — she is dead!” and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

He arrived out-of-breath at the police station and shouted, “Jean! Jean, zere is zis man, zis woman … naked in farmer Gaston’s field making love.”

The police chief smiled and said, “Come, come, Henri, you are not so old: Remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L’amour! Zis is okay.”

“Mais non! You do not understand. Ze woman, she is dead!”

Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the police station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri’s story, and pedaled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor.

“Pierre, Pierre … this is Jean. I was in Gaston’s field … zere is a young couple naked aving sex,” to which Pierre replied, “Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L’amour! Zis is very natural.”

Jean, still out of breath, gasped in reply, “NON, you do not understand. Ze woman, she is dead!”

“Mon dieu!” Pierre exclaimed. The doctor grabbed his black medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools, jumped in the car and drove like a madman down to Gaston’s field. After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.

He walked inside, smiled patiently and said, “Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British.”

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Pasarele de primavara

La ginecolog se prezinta o tinerica.
- Va ascult, domnisoara, zice doctorul.
- Dom’ doctor, am o problema la pasarica.
- Stati putin, domnisoara, sa inchid geamul, ca fac pizdele astea din copac un zgomot teribil
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Sanatate de KO

Doctorul discuta cu pacientul:
- Am doua noutati pentru D-voastra - buna si rea.
- Spuneti-o pe cea buna.
- Probabil ca boala va fi numita in cistea D-voastra…
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